Purdue Hurling Club

The Purdue Hurling Club is headed home for the holidays, and we’re thankful for the hurlers, past and present, who make this club possible. Read on to find out how the club triumphed over the fall semester, who won the inaugural Tetanus Cup, how to justify your impending Amazon shopping spree, what the marvelous Buffalo Fish means for you, whose cow videos you should be watching.

End-of-semester updates

A stunning spate of fall recruiting netted the club fifteen new hurlers, all chock-full of talent and passion for the fastest game on grass. With a streak of unseasonably warm weather and membership rocketing past thirty, the club took every opportunity to hone their skills in the lush, unmown grasses of the Gold Fields, training and scrimmaging without pause ’til the holiday break.

Practicing hand-eye coordination continued off the pitch as well, whether flipping cups, throwing dice, or painstakingly gluing beard fibers to your face ahead of Halloween. Fierce competition ensued in the annual costume contest between Karl Marx, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Snake Plissken, and a character from Jackass that no one recognized—to Erick B.’s immense disappointment. Further credit to Eduardo T.’s terrific showing—with an emphasis on terror—at the preceding week’s “Trash Halloween” that left us all with a certain wariness regarding mailboxes.

Members young and old may recall wearing the club’s set of neon green pinnies during practices—or perhaps better recall the joy in successfully avoiding them. While some regarded the incurable stench as a valuable deterrent to nearby opponents, the green pinnies’ reign of terror is ending. Observe: two new sets of pinnies, colorful, delightfully unscented, and capable of being worn with a smile.

The Tetanus Cup

On a bright Saturday morning two weeks before Halloween, the club formed three teams and battled it out for the inaugural Tetanus Cup—formerly known as the 1889 Interscholastic Athletic Association Cup—to secure this exemplary piece of 19th-century pewter-smithery. A hurried pre-game analysis discovered that the trophy—the first suspected Cactus Cup—contains 0% lead, allaying the fears of the very safety-conscious Hurling Club.

Colin M., Alex N., and Eduardo T. led their handpicked squads into the hurling melee in a tournament widely acknowledged to be the greatest sporting event on this side of the Wabash. Heads rolled and hurls splintered, but helmets and masks unquestionably concealed beaming smiles at the final whistle, the mark of a match well-played. Congratulations to Colin M. for piloting his squad to greatness in a feat as long-lasting as the estimable Tetanus Cup itself.

Support the Club… buy Amazon?

‘Tis the season!—the season when you’re buying more from Jeff Bezos than ever! Did you know those shopping sprees could be earning the Hurling Club a 3% kickback at no extra cost by clicking one of our affiliate links? You know now! Assuage your buyer’s remorse and rest easy, knowing that pennies from your purchase will help us buy new balls to replace those lost in the long grass of the Gold Fields…

The steps are simple:

1. Click on this link to our website.
2. Click on an Amazon link at the bottom of the page.
3. Search Amazon for the items you actually want.
4. Add the items to your cart.
5. Check out within 24 hours.

Boom, you’ve supported the Hurling Club! Foolproof!*

*Items you add to your cart before clicking the link won’t count—so click the link from our site, then add your items, then check out.

Buffalo Fish Hurling Club

Gobble, gobble—while we’re giving thanks to the Turducken, we should also give thanks to the rough and regal Buffalo Fish. A new organization has been created by former members of the Purdue Hurling Club, intent on promoting hurling in Tippecanoe County.

The Buffalo Fish Hurling Club, Inc. is currently accepting donations to aid in this venture. In its illustrious 15 years of hurling, the Purdue Club has maintained its station as the oldest, and objectively, the best hurling club in the world. It is now partnering with the Buffalo Fish Hurling Club to take hurling in Tippecanoe County to new heights. Projects still in the planning phase include purpose-built fields worth playing hurling on and space to explore the more social aspects inherent in hurling and the hurling community.

The Buffalo Fish Hurling Club wants to hear from alumni, parents, current members, and club supporters about projects that might be of interest to them and how the Buffalo Fish Hurling Club can put Disneyworld to shame and make actual dreams come true.

Keane Farm Life

It wasn’t all that long ago that Padraig Keane was belting the cowhide around the pastures of Purdue’s Black Fields (RIP Black Fields). He has since graduated to keeping the cows in his native Offaly. Padraig, along with his father and wife, Maria, operates the largest dairy farm in Offaly, in Ireland, in the world.

Padraig studied at Purdue for a term in 2010. Rumor has it he was mad for the milk even then. When he wasn’t chipping over points from sideline to sideline and every blade of grass in between, he represented the Faithful county in West Lafayette. He is also remembered as the calm head who got the club through the harrowing trial of the wilds of Wisconsin when Stephen C. took a wrong turn, and the road went under the fog.

The Keane clan have recently taken to YouTube, chronicling the inner workings of the dairy life (#dairylife). If you’re a current or future farmer with an affinity for milk, these young intrepid entrepreneurs will surely have a thing or two to show. If you’re a bovine beginner, they’ll sort your milking from your breeding, your grass from your financials. And, if you couldn’t pick a cow out in a field, it’s still good craic.

So go give their YouTube page, Keane Farm Life, a gander and be on the lookout for some Block ‘P’ Easter eggs. Tell them the club sent you.

Coach’s Closing

“The closing of the in-person part of the semester can only mean one thing: Thanksgiving. A time of feasting, of gluttony, and, in these short days, of concentrating on the good that was and the good that is yet to come.

This Fall semester was one for the record books. The club survived; the club grew. Despite the circumstances, matches were held regularly. Everyone got touches; some got bitten. I am thankful for every club member who did their part to keep us healthy, keep us smiling, and keep this ruggedly handsome elder in fighting shape.

The measures put in place by the club officers and the common sense of our members have largely spared the club from being at the center of any outbreak. To be certain, now is not the time to be complacent: rather, it is a time to be more vigilant than ever before. The darkest days of the pandemic are still before us. But, if we can continue rowing in the same direction that got us to today, then the Spring semester will be even better than its predecessor.

We must also be thankful for all those who came before us: those who purchased the club longevity, tradition, and a social bond that can only be found in the spaces between crushed cans of Four Loko. For we would not be here today without them. To the army of Purdue Hurling alumni, the pitch is always open here for you, and we hope to see you guys in the near future.

With the end of 2020 in sight: Happy Holidays, and Hon Purdue!”

—Matt Schwertfeger

The Purdue Hurling Club is back for its fifteenth year running, and we’re bringing you the hurling news you deserve. Read on to find out what happened at the National Tournament, who’s on the new executive board, why the club finally sanitized the gear, which alumni managed to get engaged, and who is expecting the arrival of a very small future hurler.

A brief recap

The coronavirus took the world by storm in March to force lockdowns across the globe, but not before college clubs from across the country trekked to Orlando, FL, for the ultimate test of hurling prowess: the 2020 NCGAA National Hurling Tournament.

Though various teams and players canceled due to the virus, Purdue joined contingents from Pitt, Montana, and UConn to battle it out in the Florida heat. A strong showing from the opposition and a slow start from Purdue saw early, but very close, losses to Pitt and Montana, leaving the team in the third-place slot after a final victory over UConn.

Pledging to return with a vengeance, Purdue grabbed the Shield and retreated into the Everglades to regather their strength. As the final whistle blew on the season, the Boys in Black and the premier collegiate hurling team reeled from not making a third National Championship in a row, retreating to quarantine emboldened by securing the decorative-use-only Shield and with a renewed vigor to capture the haul of a hurling lifetime: the NCGAA Cup.

Executive Board 2020–21

The club elected six board members to lead the club into its bright, post-coronavirus future:

Jack C.—”Jorts” to his teammates, and “Jack the Ripper” to his opponents—returned from a year abroad in Japan to claim the title of President.

Frankie M.—known for his inexplicable support of the St. Louis Blues and a tendency to misplace his shirt—survived the summer in St. Louis and took the seat of Vice President.

Maura G.—notable as the tallest girl on the hurling team and an extreme Mayo enthusiast (the county, not the condiment)—failed to embezzle any club funds and won reelection as Treasurer.

Patrick M.—an alleged resident of Rhode Island, as if the so-called “state” were large enough to fit more than one individual anyway—took on the roles of both Secretary and Recruitment in a move he may live to regret.

Jared M.—wilderness enthusiast and aspiring tiny home architect—returned from a spring and summer spent traveling around the country and occasionally selling commercial-grade explosives to parlay his skills into Fundraising and Alumni Relations.

Tanner N.—known for living in a van down by the river and eating discount bread—secured the second Fundraising and Alumni Relations spot, brought you the club’s beautiful new website at https://purduehurling.club, and earned the dubious distinction of writing this newsletter.

Check out the Executive Board Spotlight on Instagram for more details on these illustrious individuals: https://www.instagram.com/purdue.hurling/

Back to School

Purdue students returned to class on August 24, and the club jumped straight into recruiting—meeting seven individuals through the “Virtual B-Involved Fair” and converting at least nine recruits into seasoned hurlers in the first two of three callouts. As team members post flyers on anything that stands still while carrying their weird-looking sticks to attract curious glances around campus, recruiting prospects can only improve.

As the Purdue administration cracks down on the coronavirus sweeping the country, hurlers made the tough decision to mask up for socially-distanced practices, using fine new athletic masks generously provided by the Schwertfeger household. Hurlers also struggled with the mandate to drink their cheap beer through a brightly-colored straw inserted under a mask, but are expected to survive.

Though the status of the traditional fall hurling tournaments remains uncertain and the University forbids outside travel, club members continue to recruit, train, and scrimmage nonstop—preparing to take the hurling world by storm.

Hurlers’ Stories

In an inexplicable turn of events, not one but two hurling alumni found themselves engaged these past few weeks:

Congratulations to hurler Jacques S. and spouse-to-be Morgan L.!

Likewise, congratulations to hurler Erik M. and Erika K. on their engagement—after meeting in the Augusta Hurling Club, no less!

Finally, former captain Trevor and his wife Leah D.V. are expecting a wee little hurler of their own! We can only hope they will someday send her to Purdue to carry on the hurling tradition.

Coach’s Closing

“Club members past and present, I hope you have enjoyed this scintillating premier newsletter.  Many hours have gone into drafts and edits, then cobbled together with all new material at the last minute!  

With external matches few and far between this year, it is only appropriate to focus more of our attention inward, to who we are, not just as members, but as a club.  Our shared history and questionably storied characters have purchased the club we see today, setting a foundation from which the current members can divine inspiration.  Our laudable efforts this year will be all the more meritorious as we exit the pandemic.

There is no telling when we may be rid of the scourge of 2020, so we can then return to pucking too close to house windows and congested streets.  What will happen in a year? The year after?  At some point, we have to get on with life.  Remaining smart and acting sensibly, we can do just that.

This year will have a very different look and feel.  Success cannot be measured in silverware; rather, the continued presence of the preeminent collegiate hurling club in the country at Purdue and the enjoyment of socializing and passionately competing in the love of the game.  

Boo COVID, Hon Purdue!”

—Matt Schwertfeger